If you are trying to collect on past pain and injustice, please turn all your injustice over to God ask Him to be your vindicator. He will give you double blessings for your former trouble, and He is the only one who can do it.

We are never truly free until we feel no need to impress anyone. If and when we reach that point, then we can rest internally and live without concern about what people think of us. We know that what they think is between them and God, and that what they think cannot hurt us. It is what we think of ourselves that really matters.

Like many people, I was insecure for years, but as I received God’s unconditional love and acceptance, I found security in Christ. The better we feel about ourselves, the less we feel the need to argue over opinions and fight to be right, and we can find a way to disagree agreeably if the other person is willing to do so. Some people won’t be at peace no matter what we do, but we can all be peaceful in and through Jesus.

I did this with Dave for years. I already felt so bad about myself that if he tried to correct me about anything, I deflected it by finding some fault with him. When you are in a relationship with someone who is hard to love because they are often angry, you should remember that their anger probably comes from the way they feel about themself. Realizing this will help you know how to pray accurately for them. It is easier to deal with difficult situations if you understand them.

I recently spent about thirty minutes with someone who is dealing with a divorce and some health issues. During the time we were together, he said at least four times, “I know I should” or “I know I shouldn’t,” and then he would tell me that he wasn’t doing it. To know what is right to do and not do it is sin (James 4:17). The best course of action this man could take is to repent for his past disobedience and make a quality decision to begin following the guidance of the Holy Spirit and obey what God is leading him to do.

There is no hope of loving people who are hard to love—in fact, no hope of loving anyone at all—unless we are willing to forgive and let go of their offenses. No one on this earth can have a relationship and never disappoint, hurt, or offend another. If you are hoping for this type of relationship, you will be looking for it all your life and not find it. Simply put, people are not perfect. If we were, we wouldn’t need Jesus. He forgives us countless times, possibly every day, and we should appreciate what He does for us enough to do the same for other people. It is interesting that we want and even expect God to do for us what we are not willing to do for others.

In actuality, when we forgive people, we are doing ourselves—not the other person—a favor. So, do yourself a favor and forgive. Let go of offenses and the pain that accompanies them instead of carrying heavy burdens of unforgiveness that make you miserable. [...]

We can, of course, choose not to obey in the area of forgiveness, but we pay a price for doing so. We hurt ourselves more than we hurt other people by refusing to forgive. Refusing to forgive is like taking poison and hoping our enemy will die. We may spend years being angry with someone who doesn’t know or care that we are angry. They are living their life and enjoying it, while we are miserable and bitter.

Let me encourage you to turn yourself over to God. Tell Him that you know you cannot change yourself, but that you want Him to change you and make you what He wants you to be. He will do it at a pace that is just right for you, and He will use methods that would not have occurred to you. It is God’s grace that changes us, not our self-effort. All we can do is want to be what God wants us to be, repent that we are not, and put ourselves completely in His hands to make the changes that need to be made. Of course, we make an effort, but it is an effort made while depending on God, not ourselves, for victory.

Love is liberating. It offers people both roots and wings. It provides a sense of belonging and acceptance (roots) and a sense of freedom (wings). Love doesn’t try to control or manipulate, and it doesn’t seek its own fulfillment through trying to control the destiny of others. In a truly loving family, a father who dreamed of being a pro football player doesn’t try to force his son to play football when he would rather be a dancer. A mother who wants her daughter to be popular because she never was doesn’t force her to be a cheerleader, get in with all the “right” people, be on the debate team, or run for school president when she is more of an academic who wants to quietly study and isn’t concerned about her reputation with people. Parents don’t project certain roles onto their children because they accept and enjoy them as God made them to be.

Love finds out what people need and helps them get it.

[...] I do believe we can love someone and still not enjoy being around them a lot. Don’t forget that love is not necessarily having loving feelings, but a decision to treat people as God instructs us to treat them.

When you read about loving everyone unconditionally, you may feel there are certain people you simply cannot love because of how they have hurt you or because they may still be abusive, and being around them would not be safe for you. You can love everyone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to spend time in their presence. Pray for people, don’t speak unkindly about them, and help them if they need help, but always remember that you have a right to safe relationships.

Realizing that I can love from a distance has been extremely helpful to me. I once felt, as you may feel, that loving someone meant I had to spend time with them, but it doesn’t. [...]

We often hear “Life is not fair,” and it isn’t, but God will bring justice if we patiently trust and wait on Him. In reading Paul’s letters, I have noticed that he never prayed for people not to have problems or for their problems to go away. He prayed that they would have “the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper” (Colossians 3:12 AMPC). I am always amazed when I read, think about, or teach on this scripture. Our prayers are quite different than Paul’s. We simply want our discomfort to go away, but Paul wanted something much more valuable. He wanted the people to be able to adapt and remain peaceful in the midst of their trouble. He knew this would make them stronger to handle future difficulties.

Do we always pray for the easy way out? I think we usually do, but we can learn from Paul’s teachings and begin praying to be able to endure whatever comes with patience and good temper. Paul states in Philippians 4:12–13 that we can be content whether we are in need or have plenty, and that we can do all things through Christ who is our strength, whatever condition we are in. Let each of us ask ourselves if we are able to do this and answer truthfully.