[...] I told the producer she should go to a socialist meeting, where there would be a lot of politically engaged men who loved drinking. She replied, Oh, but I’m such a Hillary girl, and I knew exactly what she meant: she believed socialists were sexist. I had only been to one socialist event in New York and didn’t even vote in the primary, so maybe it was guilt that inspired me to begin to attempt to explain what Hillary girls were missing wrt the intersection of class with race and gender and sexuality, wrt I mean I grew up in . . . The women were silent as I went through all this, my eyes rarely making contact with theirs and instead looking off at the condiment-and-napkin station, so after a few gestures toward my socioeconomic background without revelation I added “but she does have to deal with a lot of shit” to make sure they didn’t abandon me at the Travel Plaza. I was offered the last curly fry. All in all it took us eight and a half hours to get to the beltway, in the rain.
[...] I googled “boyfriend died” and turned up several personal essays in which the aching sadness produced by the accident or rare cancer was always unspeakable, taking years to get over. That I found these unrelatable seemed an indictment of both me and the essays. I will not deny that there was some guilty laughter. I’m not trying to be cavalier; I’m trying to say I may have been at times a little cavalier. I could find no example of the normal way to react to the death of a semi-serious boyfriend about whom you felt ambivalent at best even before you realized he was pretending to be a conspiracy theorist online. It’s not very rigorous to seek out and prize relatability, but it can calm you down, and like expensive beef jerky this was something I thought I’d earned.
In Oslo, all the airport employees were friendly; they had nothing to worry about. As every minute moved me closer to the purchase of egregiously priced bad food, I gazed out the windows onto a solemn ice-scape fringed with evergreens, dissociated from my past frustrations, and aided by the empty stomach achieved a pleasantly empty mind. I found the layover a helpful temporal/geographic/spiritual buffer zone, by which I mean all of these things—time, geography, spirit—stopped carrying meaning as I sat and sipped an IPA the price of two IPAs at elevenish in the morning that was in my mind fiveish in the morning. On the flight, the woman seated in front of me seized the opportunity when both flight attendants had to attend elsewhere to pilfer a bag of chips from the food cart. Life was so full of possibilities, modeled by the seemingly regular people all around us. Stealing chips never would have occurred to me.
I WAS STARTING TO GET ANNOYED. THESE PEOPLE JUST WANTED to talk about themselves. They weren’t giving me a chance to talk about my characters.
WHAT’S AMAZING ABOUT THIS STRUCTURE IS THAT YOU CAN JUST dump any material you have in here and leave it up to the reader to connect it to the rest of the work. I was going to cut that dog story, but why should I? It evokes a mood. It relates to my themes. When I saw it happen it was somehow incredible; I was watching earned self-consciousness mutate into unearned self-preservation in real time, something I usually only saw online, where it was easier for the unbelievable to remain that way.
need some sort of metafictional tag for this and the keep
AN IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER WHEN LYING, TO REMAIN cool and not nervous, is that other people care much more about themselves than they care about you. It never occurred to me that some of these men might be faking it with me.
Jennifer's Mercedes is back in the shop-caliper problems. That's only one of today's Media Team revelations. The other? Her husband has a penchant for difficult-to-obtain dog breeds, and they imported a Rhodesian Ridgeback from South Africa. But they worry they got a dud. The beast fears precipitation. Over the weekend's snow shower, it refused to leave the house and shat in the foyer, the very one Yves had interior decorated. Now they are considering legal action (against the breeder, not Yves) [...]
lol (jennifer speaking on the phone during work)
Because with their Enron auditing and consulting, Andersen took it to the next level. If there were a company to risk it all for, it was Enron, once described by the New York Times as "a new-economy company, a thinking-outside-the-box, paradigm-shifting, market-making company ... [one] ranked as the most innovative company in America four years in a row, as judged by envious corporate peers in the annual Fortune magazine poll." Enron was an energy company that didn't so much produce or distribute energy as it did buy and sell positions on the price of energy stocks -- derivatives. [...]
didn't actually know this!
[...] His students, I among them, were ready to be moved. But he never pushed, really. Of course, every interpreter has their own Marx, but his was a rather peculiar one. He conjured the philosophical spirit of a progresive professional liberal who might have voted for Bill Clinton and sent his offspring to private school while simultaneously leveling a totalizing critique against the progressive professional liberalism and privatization that Clinton introduced. The 1990s were famously a decade of irony, and that, my very first Marx, was imbued with a strange ironic nihilism. Your work will exhaust you, and you'll still do it because what else is there to do. Your wedding will be boring and bourgeois, and you'll still have one because individual sexual love offers what little redemption you're likely to find. Your children will be as entitled as you are, and you'll try to please them nonetheless. Let bushy, bearded Karl and clean-shaven me detail for you a guide to the travails inherent in your privilege, he seemed to offer.
rough
Other Marxist prognostications have been a bit more spacious and urged followers to understand similar capitalist construction projects as fallen in theory regardless of their posture in physical reality. "We begin to recognize the monuments of the bourgeoisie as ruins, even before they have crumbled," advised Walter Benjamin. [...]
oooo