I get the ick – that sudden, slightly sick feeling where you find someone you previously thought attractive all at once extremely unattractive and everything they do is infuriating. Not because this guy got something wrong, but because he looked so pathetic when he realised.

He’s not the only one who gives me the ick. I get it because one guy waits for me to say ‘table for two’ even though he’s standing in front of me, because one guy says he ‘felt like superman’ when he snorted coke for the first time, because one guy begins a sentence with ‘the thing with girls, right …’, because one guy holds his cutlery between his fist and bites down on the fork when taking things off it, because one guy meets me holding an umbrella, because one guy’s legs are dangling off a bar stool, because one guy presses the traffic-light button and actually waits for the green man and I’ve already crossed over and am standing waiting at the other side of the road, because one guy has all this white stuff between his teeth, because one guy’s shoulders hunch upwards when he gets cold, because I accidentally imagined one guy wearing a dressing gown, because I accidentally imagined another standing naked in the bathroom waiting for the shower to heat up.