While an abused woman may sometimes approach a counselor and describe her struggle straightforwardly, an abuser speaks in terms that are less direct. He seeks help not because he senses that he is abusive but because he is tired of the tension in his home or is afraid that his relationship is going to split up. He will not typically volunteer the fact that he swears, tears his partner down, or frightens her. If he is physically violent, he will almost certainly make no spontaneous mention of that fact. However, he may give various hints. Some common ones include:

“I have a bad temper, and I lose my cool sometimes.”

“My girlfriend claims that I don’t treat her right.”

“My partner is always making eyes at other men.”

“My wife attacked me, so I had to defend myself, and she got hurt.”