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All this was decided imperceptibly while I was remembering the dream gaze and the real gaze, which were one and the same, and smoking a cigarette, and accepting that gaze. By the time I turned off the light to go back to sleep, I’d surrendered to it entirely. It extended over my whole being, openin…

As I smoked that cigarette and waited for my pulse to slow down, I didn’t know – I couldn’t know – everything that was at stake at that moment. Had I known, I would probably have found the strength to repress, to suppress, the image of those eyes once and for all. Because at that moment the end of …

In the dream, her eyes seemed to accuse me of something; to pierce me, burn me, destroy me. But her gaze was still there, in spite of those tricks from the censors; the censors who must have woken me up, calling desperately on the resources of my clumsy waking state to put a stop to things. But her…

c) Because, sneaking a peek at the topics I’ll have to cover almost immediately if I carry on writing, I realise I can’t go on dodging certain ideological positions – positions that would very much annoy some powerful groups: the government, the opposition, the far left, the left, the centre, the r…

I’d discovered some time ago – long after the business with the dog, and long before woman A – that my depressions corresponded to punishments for certain misdeeds. I’d developed a whole theory about it, and the theory helped me through the crises. I’m not saying it was true; I’m just saying it wor…