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I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer is: “It depends.” Men typically experience women’s shoves or slaps as annoying and infuriating rather than intimidating, so the long-term emotional effects are less damaging. It is rar…

CLAIRE: I still feel like you don’t understand why I was upset by what you did. You haven’t even apologized.
DANNY (Angry and loud): All right, all right! I’m sorry, I’M SORRY!!
CLAIRE (Shaking her head): You don’t get it.
DANNY: What the fuck do you want from me?? I apologized already! What, yo…

“You’re too sensitive; every little thing bothers you. It shouldn’t be any big deal.”

“Not everyone is all nicey-nice when they’re angry like you want them to be.”

“Don’t start talking to me like I’m abusive just because your ex-boyfriend (or your parents) abused you. You think everyone is ab…

Finally, be aware that as an abuser begins his slide into abuse, he believes that you are the one who is changing. His perceptions work this way because he feels so justified in his actions that he can’t imagine the problem might be with him. All he notices is that you don’t seem to be living up …

This warning sign is always important, but even more so for teenagers and young adult men. Not respecting your wishes or feelings regarding sex speaks of exploitativeness, which in turn goes with abuse. It also is a sign of seeing women as sex objects rather than human beings. If he says you need t…