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I don’t know what she would make of this but here’s what I think happened: I wanted so much to be loved that I tried to turn myself into the sort of woman I thought I would have to be, in order to be lovable. In the process I falsified myself, lost part of my soul, made myself sick with swallowed r…

‘Where life immures, the intelligence cuts a way out…The intelligence knows nothing of those closed situations of life from which there is no escape…Ideas come to us as the successors to griefs, and griefs, at the moment when they change into ideas, lose some part of their power to injure our heart…

My computer at St Neot packed up so I had to work at home all day. He actually brought me a coffee.

V: ‘Want me to make you a little snack?’

H: (amazed) ‘Thanks! Yes! I’d like that!’

V: (mimes a flinch, as if put upon)

H: ‘You did offer.’

V: ‘I can do it, if that’s what you’d like.’
…

I said, ‘Look, V. We’re married. We know each other. We know what’s horrible about each other. We don’t subscribe to each other’s myth. And the only way out of being known like that, if you can’t stand it, is to leave and find a new person. For a while they think you’re wonderful and believe in you…

‘All the people who should be told have been told,’ he says. ‘Our friends are bored. They’re sick of hearing about it.’ Turns out he’s been going round telling them that we’ve hit a rocky patch, that I’m unhappy. Puzzled people keep ringing me up: ‘What’s going on?’ In each case, I learn that he ha…