A BILLIONAIRE PAYS ME to offset his carbon. He jets around the world while I do very little. Breach of contract includes:

• Watching TV
• Looking at the internet
• Driving a car
• Using a phone

So mostly I just sit at home and read. Which is fine. That’s what I used to do anyway, before our partnership began, back when I was what statisticians would call a discouraged worker. Now I am encouraged! We have a good library system in town. I walk to the nearest branch, check out a stack of books, come home to my apartment and read. I eat raw food. My personal footprint is minimal.