I put my own needs aside for Carbon and Boone because I had believed that serving my employer meant serving humanity. I had believed in the prestige of Carbon, which, to me, lay not in any zeros after commas but in the moral legitimacy of the enterprise. I ignored the fact that individual portfolio managers at Carbon used individual private jets. I ignored how each of those private jets contributed to climate change and government revenue shortfalls via tax breaks. I ignored the carried interest loophole. I ignored the fact that many middle-class workers paid more in taxes, percentage-wise, than hedge fund managers or private equity execs. I ignored the very real privileges of everyone, including me, working at Carbon, how people treated us differently, how they tripped over one another to make our lives easier: they answered our calls; we jumped the queues; they gave us discounts and freebies and—what killed me—they saved their best behavior for us.

Something was wrong with this setup. I knew it. I think he did too.