I had become an established film star, with photographs and interviews in the press. I smiled from pictures taken in capitals most of my family only knew from the atlas. Smiling, arm in arm with famous and stupid and wise and kind and rich people.

Encountering situations I had never thought would come near me. Travels and impressions and kindness and goodness I hoped my subconscious would store up until misfortune came.

After a year, I went home on a visit. Walked past the theatre with a sense of true sorrow that I no longer belonged there. Sneaked into the auditorium during a rehearsal and sat in the darkness, reveling in the world I so much wanted to be part of. At the same time I felt a slight arrogance because | knew what I was now experiencing made up for the lines I was not speaking on that stage.