Still. I’m going to find a place in myself to stand, from which I can engage better with V. I would like him to know that I don’t see him and his inflexible regime as my only possible source of happiness.

And I’m determined that I’ll give this marriage the best I’ve got, without thinking about ‘flight’, till he finishes his book. I’m going to work hard at not wallowing and being abject. I’m going to tell him what I feel, and not in an accusing tone. I’ll keep on inviting him to ‘things’, and going to them anyway whether he comes or not. Plus, I’ll try not to turn X the painter into the mule to carry all this anger.