Clear statement: I have very strong urges (irresistible urges) towards some kind of religious or, rather, spiritual experience. This frightens me, not because the spirituality in things is so inscrutable but because I don’t know what it will do to my ordinary life arrangements, my friendships, my attitude towards my work, if I turn around and acknowledge something I privately refer to as ‘the mighty force’. It’s there behind me, and in me, all the time. It’s benevolent, it’s totally good—not morally—I mean that it only wishes me well. But I’m afraid to find out what I’ll become if I stop running away from it. It’s as if I were always swimming against a tide. How do I turn round and face it? How’s it done?