But these later fights were serious clashes, conflicts that would keep me, if not both of us, up all night, and the sourness of unresolved disagreement lingered for weeks, months. The issue no longer seemed to be correctable misalignment and new-to-each-other ignorance but betrayal, selfishness, ill intent. I’m sleeping somewhere else tonight fights. It shouldn’t be this hard fights. To him, I was insufficiently committed to riding out our ups and downs, while I believed he wasn’t trying hard enough to keep us out of the downs altogether. We were both probably right. He valued constancy and I valued intensity, and neither of us were receiving as much as we needed.