This was a life I’d hardly dared to dream of, one suffused with tribalism, freedom, and exultant chaos. I was like a burr snagged in the fur of a running wolf, swept away at an exhilarating gallop. I would have done anything to be near the boys because when I was, anything could happen—bad things, good things, things I’d never seen or done or thought of before. I loved when things happened. I didn’t feel capable of making things happen on my own, but I hoped to be present when they did.