But the fact is that after reading and correcting half of August, I stopped writing this diary or anything else, and I also stopped reading it and correcting it. I’d like to know why, although I’m not curious enough to put any mental effort into finding out. I’m still very lazy, very out of sorts from the summer weather and the carnival, and most of all from the absence of Chl (and sometimes from her presence; when she appears, from time to time, it’s clear I’ve built up such resentment and such feelings of abandonment that it’s difficult to be with her) (I’ve even noticed, the past few times I’ve seen her, that when she hugs me, I move away very quickly and actually push her back a little, with my hands resting on her shoulders) (this topic is a permanent thorn in my side). It should be clear that I have no objections to Chl’s behaviour; I try my hardest to make my feelings match my thoughts, but it’s no use: there’s a stubborn, petulant creature inside me, one of those dogs that won’t let go of a bone.