I am deeply ashamed of having worked SCI. At the time, of course, I told myself all kinds of lies to justify the decision. It was just one more; I had no choice; this time it would be different; I would run a model campaign, really force the company to change; and on and on—so much crap. If there were a way to hide the fact that I lost the resolve to quit my life of terrorism after just a few weeks, perhaps I would. That final campaign is a source of embarrassment every time it comes up. Each time, a look of disappointment comes over the face of my listener that no words can drive away. How can I explain why I did it? I cannot. So I have to live with that look. Worse, those last two hundred victims of mine haunt me more relentlessly than all the rest. I can see their faces, and I even know some of their names. I wish to God I had said no. But I did not. I said yes, and I confess it for one very personal and one very pragmatic reason.

The personal side is that as part of my recovery from alcohol addiction, I must confront all my misdeeds and stop the cycle of deception that kept me on the bottle for twenty years. I need to come clean.