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The fourth time. She offers to call them a taxi. She offers, yes, she does all the running. She goes out to buy breakfast, she offers, yes, she nips out to get it. She makes coffee, yes, she offers, and carries it and milk and cups on the tray and washes up afterwards.

‘I’ll do it,’ she says and…

Except now he doesn’t know what he wants. He chuckles. Now she has been put in her place, now she is where she should be. His voice is calm as it was on her answering machine, laid-back as if he can barely be bothered to talk, as if there is nothing at stake for him, as if he doesn’t mind either wa…

Is this happy? Is this sad? Looking back, the times when nothing was certain have a unique quality. When everything was up for grabs, when she couldn’t even make a guess at how it would pan out, how the ending would unfold, that is how she remembers it. Is it when you don’t know what to feel, when …

She has experienced this before. Her mind tells her that it will pass, that it must be endured and then it will be over – for now. She keeps reminding herself, but doesn’t believe her own words. She will never smile again.

When the fourth attack happens, she knows that it will pass. That it will last an hour and a half and then slowly it will pass, and that makes it more bearable. It is true, as someone has said, that when you are in pain, you are doing the work. Pay attention to your crisis, the book says. It is tel…