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I was absolutely serious about ballet but only for a short time when I was in high school. I fell in love with ballet when I saw still photographs of dancers in Look magazine, and I decided to take classes. I loved the purity of it, the simplicity: these are the steps, this is how you do them. And …

We ate in silence in the glass-walled café right on the ocean and I felt estranged from Ed, bored by him, moved by him. I thought understanding did not exist between Ed and me, but now I wonder what understanding means. By now I mean this minute. Did it mean safety, like an insurance policy that co…

Ed’s cock does not look so different from the one he wore when we were together. In 1974 or so, we hitchhiked to Cortes Island in Canada. We slept in an old turkey shed one night. I went inside myself and inside Ed’s tender flesh, I sank my face into it, held him with joyful reverence, the fresh an…

Ed seemed to take for granted that we had not loved each other passionately. In the park in 1979, he told me that Skip, my replacement, was the first person he ever loved. Ed was moved to tears by his own feelings. To my expression, he replied, “You loved me that way?” I was not sure I did. With Sk…

By 1978, our marriage was so open it no longer included me. We broke up in November. Was my reason Ed’s reason? Neither of us wanted to relinquish the bedroom, so Ed made a pallet on the floor. There we were, sharing our unconscious hours yet too angry to speak or touch, except once—as if we had ju…