Activity

New York Sunday night, London Saturday morning. You fly the round trip regularly for work. But the attendant stops you. At Heathrow, Sunday afternoon, the attendant lunges into your path before you can reach the business desk. Places a firm hand against your upper arm. The attendant’s fingers – who…

A buzz. He’s at the station already.

Nearly there, I send back.

This is the boom

and this is the climb, you’ve twinned it, followed it up. Not euphoric, as you’d imagined. But perhaps it never is, when you’re in the thing. It can’t

last, though, you know. And so, you put it away, you save. It rains every day in England! Here you are, with your accounts an…

But what it takes to get there isn’t what you need once you’ve arrived.

A difficult realization, and a harder actualization.

I understand what this weekend means. Pulling back the curtain, he’s invited me to the chambers beyond. It’s not acceptance, not yet. It’s just a step further, closer. …

I feel. Of course I do.

I have emotions.

But I try to consider events as if they’re happening to someone else. Some other entity. There’s the thinking, rationalizing I (me). And the doing, the experiencing, her. I look at her kindly. From a distance. To protect myself, I detach.