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You’re trying very hard to show everyone what a great person you are, and the best way to do that is if everyone else is drinking therefore they think that’s the thing to do, then you might do the same thing to prove to them that you have the same values that they do and therefore you’re okay. At t…

The central question of this book is: How do children get socialized—how do they learn to behave like normal, acceptable members of their society? What shapes the raw material of the infant’s temperament into the finished product of the adult’s personality? These may sound like two separate, almost…

“You did a good job on that report.”

“You are a very sensitive person.”

“It was kind of you to offer me a ride home last evening.”

Such statements are typically uttered as expressions of appreciation in life-alienating communication. Perhaps you are surprised that I regard praise and compl…

Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment to change people’s behavior. The first question is: What do I want this person to do that’s different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective becau…

Three hours later John approached me and said, “Marshall, I wish you had taught me two years ago what you taught me this morning. I wouldn’t have had to kill my best friend.”

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves, as did this young prisoner, into believing that their pain deri…