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What do you think the couples who are able to move past an affair have in common?

There are many things that make them succeed. But, in the reverse, I can tell you one ingredient that you know will prevent the success: when the person who betrayed and lied and deceived has very little empathy.…

Susan pointed out a useful contradiction in love: if you lose a sense of yourself as an individual it can damage a relationship, but if you can’t accept that your needs and wants are not the only story, then it will be difficult to understand your partner’s perspective. That’s why it’s useful to th…

If someone is self-reflecting and self-regulating, what are the next steps?

I reteach communication (because at that point it’s probably got a bit mean) and negotiation, which allows a couple to see that in most situations, apart from ultimate deal-breakers (for example whether or not you want…

During our conversation, I was reminded of this quote by the poet Rainer Maria Rilke: ‘Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them w…

What do you wish you’d known about sex and desire?

The neuroscience of pleasure. The simple way to think about it is if you’re in a sexy state of mind and your partner tickles you, it could feel good and lead to other things. But if that same person tickles you when you’re pissed off at them, …