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Is this happy? Is this sad? Looking back, the times when nothing was certain have a unique quality. When everything was up for grabs, when she couldn’t even make a guess at how it would pan out, how the ending would unfold, that is how she remembers it. Is it when you don’t know what to feel, when …

She has experienced this before. Her mind tells her that it will pass, that it must be endured and then it will be over – for now. She keeps reminding herself, but doesn’t believe her own words. She will never smile again.

When the fourth attack happens, she knows that it will pass. That it will last an hour and a half and then slowly it will pass, and that makes it more bearable. It is true, as someone has said, that when you are in pain, you are doing the work. Pay attention to your crisis, the book says. It is tel…

At home the sea is warm. Seagulls perch on the jetties. Roses grow along the wall. Now what? Find another? When everything is about him. When he is the only man in the world. Forget him. Kiss another. She tries to move on. She doesn’t say no to anything that might ease her pain, distract her. She d…

[...] She isn’t flirting, she is serious. She needs to find out whether this infatuation, she says, the strongest she has ever experienced, is about him, is about Arnold Bush, or whether she needed to be in love, needed the strength which being in love gave her to do what was necessary, to divorce.…