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There are ways I could improve myself, but I am also capable. I am not powerless. I am not my past.

I am not the product of other people, not Maggie, or Evelyn, or Ed. I made myself and, if I choose to, I can change. I can imagine myself differently. I can make the imagination real. Who said tha…

At some point Jason came out with beers and sat next to me. He drank beer now, which was disappointing. Then again, so did I. It was disappointing that both of us now drank beer. In high school, not drinking had felt special, like you were making a statement about the clichéd expectations of Americ…

I’ve always hated feeling that I have power. I like responsibility, but I hate the power that comes with it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

So this is what my life has been reduced to. What the vast expanses of my past boil down to. A soporific.

It was senior year, those exciting few days before the semester gets going, when everyone’s back but nothing’s started. I was supposed to meet her at a party that night, but she took the bus and came over to my place early. I’d moved off campus, to the old house with the big back porch next to the …