1/18/57

My growing problem since 1951: (in Riesman’s terms) from inner-directed (ambitious, idealistic, self-driving, diary-keeping) I have become somewhat other-directed; and this is against my nature, or at least my nature until the age of thirty. Among its manifestations (which irritate the inner-directed side of me) are carelessness about money, looseness of morals in sex and drinking, smoking, abandonment of daily exercises (physical), abandonment of diary keeping, perhaps over tolerance of the mediocre in people and in art (this has its good side and is hard to make a judgment about), laziness (sporadic) about my own work, and a general lowering of sights in my themes. Time something was done about it. Something in between inner and outer, if possible.