1/22/42

Able to think only when I have a background, of music, of voices, of lecturing, able to think creatively only in the unconcious, losing the thread when I realize I am following a thread, much addicted to cigarettes and alcohol; shy about emotions of any kind and disturbed at their display; caricaturing my own talents as they lie now, writing facetious (and rather good) doggerel, sketches and perhaps whole books, specializing in takeoffs and pure whimsy and fantasy; highly critical of people, but with a circle of friends as wide as the Tropic of Cancer; subsisting mainly on fruit of citrus nature: rarely going in a church door except to hear Bach or Händel; fond of 18th century literature and music; dabbling in water color and stabbing at sculpture; aiming high and believing myself capable of great things. Falling in love more and more easily and “irrevocably.” Happier still when most alone.