[...] He thinks now, maybe it's because she picked it, maybe because she thought it was the one he wanted, and in doing so, made it the one he wanted, because he'd very much wanted her and always felt he'd have to keep wanting her in order to keep her. He tries to remember how, after such hard work, he managed to lose her. And he's not posing a rhetorical question, he's trying to recall the day she left, the argument that would, retrospectively, be called the catalyst (the last straw? there are probably other terms, too), but he can't remember, can't see her angry or hurt or walking away. He is almost certain it was his fault.