“You’re too sensitive; every little thing bothers you. It shouldn’t be any big deal.”

“Not everyone is all nicey-nice when they’re angry like you want them to be.”

“Don’t start talking to me like I’m abusive just because your ex-boyfriend (or your parents) abused you. You think everyone is abusing you.”

“You’re just angry because you aren’t getting your way, so you’re saying I’m mistreating you.”

Through comments like these, the abuser can try to persuade you that: (1) you have unreasonable expectations for his behavior, and you should be willing to live with the things he does; (2) you are actually reacting to something else in your life, not to what he did; and (3) you are using your grievances as a power move against him. All of these tactics are forms of discrediting your complaints of mistreatment, which is abusive. His discrediting maneuvers reveal a core attitude, which he never explicitly states and may not even be aware of consciously himself: “You have no right to object to how I treat you.” And you can’t be in a fair and healthy relationship if you can’t raise grievances.