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Esther Perel
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Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic
by Esther Perel

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xiii

Introduction

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xiii

Introduction

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1. From Adventure to Captivity: Why the Quest for Security Saps Erotic Vitality

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From Adventure to Captivity: Why the Quest for Security Saps Erotic Vitality

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2. More Intimacy, Less Sex: Love Seeks Closeness, but Desire Needs Distance

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More Intimacy, Less Sex: Love Seeks Closeness, but Desire Needs Distance

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3. The Pitfalls Of Modern Intimacy: Talk Is Not the Only Avenue to Closeness

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The Pitfalls Of Modern Intimacy: Talk Is Not the Only Avenue to Closeness

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4. Democracy Versus Hot Sex: Desire and Egalitarianism Don’t Play by the Same Rules

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Democracy Versus Hot Sex: Desire and Egalitarianism Don’t Play by the Same Rules

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5. Can Do! The Protestant Work Ethic Takes On the Degradation of Desire

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Can Do! The Protestant Work Ethic Takes On the Degradation of Desire

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6. Sex Is Dirty; Save It for Someone You Love: When Puritanism and Hedonism Collide

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Sex Is Dirty; Save It for Someone You Love: When Puritanism and Hedonism Collide

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106

7. Erotic Blueprints: Tell Me How You Were Loved, and I’ll Tell You How You Make Love

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Erotic Blueprints: Tell Me How You Were Loved, and I’ll Tell You How You Make Love

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125

8. Parenthood: When Three Threatens Two

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Parenthood: When Three Threatens Two

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9. Of Flesh and Fantasy: In the Sanctuary of the Erotic Mind We Find a Direct Route to Pleasure

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Of Flesh and Fantasy: In the Sanctuary of the Erotic Mind We Find a Direct Route to Pleasure

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10. The Shadow of the Third: Rethinking Fidelity

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The Shadow of the Third: Rethinking Fidelity

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11. Putting the X Back in Sex: Bringing the Erotic Home

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Putting the X Back in Sex: Bringing the Erotic Home

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The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
by Esther Perel

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xxi

Introduction

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xxi

Introduction

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Part I: Setting the Stage

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Part I: Setting the Stage

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1. A New Conversation About Marriage and Infidelity

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A New Conversation About Marriage and Infidelity

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2. Defining Infidelity: Is Chatting Cheating?

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Defining Infidelity: Is Chatting Cheating?

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3. Affairs Are Not What They Used to Be

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Affairs Are Not What They Used to Be

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Part II: The Fallout

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Part II: The Fallout

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4. Why Betrayal Hurts So Much: Death by a Thousand Cuts

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Why Betrayal Hurts So Much: Death by a Thousand Cuts

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5. Little Shop of Horrors: Do Some Affairs Hurt More than Others?

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Little Shop of Horrors: Do Some Affairs Hurt More than Others?

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6. Jealousy: The Spark of Eros

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Jealousy: The Spark of Eros

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7. Self-Blame or Vengeance: The Dagger Cuts Both Ways

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Self-Blame or Vengeance: The Dagger Cuts Both Ways

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8. To Tell or Not to Tell?: The Politics of Secrecy and Revelation

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To Tell or Not to Tell?: The Politics of Secrecy and Revelation

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Part III: Meanings and Motives

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Part III: Meanings and Motives

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9. Even Happy People Cheat: Mining the Meanings of Affairs

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Even Happy People Cheat: Mining the Meanings of Affairs

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10. An Antidote to Deadness: The Lure of the Forbidden

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An Antidote to Deadness: The Lure of the Forbidden

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11. Is Sex Ever Just Sex?: The Emotional Economics of Adultery

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Is Sex Ever Just Sex?: The Emotional Economics of Adultery

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12. The Mother of All Betrayals? Affairs Among Other Marital Misdemeanors

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The Mother of All Betrayals? Affairs Among Other Marital Misdemeanors

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13. The Lover’s Dilemma: Conversations with the Other Woman

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The Lover’s Dilemma: Conversations with the Other Woman

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Part IV: Ever After

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Part IV: Ever After

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14. Monogamy and Its Discontents: Rethinking Marriage

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Monogamy and Its Discontents: Rethinking Marriage

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15. After the Storm: The Legacy of an Affair

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After the Storm: The Legacy of an Affair

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