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But nothing diminished the disappointment. I struggled to detach myself from a sort of fog in my mind, a painful drop of tension, and I couldn’t. I discovered that I had considered the publication of those few lines, my name in print, as a sign that I really had a destiny, that the hard work of sch…

[...] Rarely, however, did I look toward Antonio’s table, I was afraid he would make me a sign to join him. But I felt that he kept his eyes on me, that he was nervous, getting angry. Never mind, I thought, I’ve already decided, I’ll break up tomorrow: I can’t go on with him, we’re too different. O…

Meanwhile the newlyweds entered, to enthusiastic applause. The band started immediately, with the marriage processional. I was indissolubly welded to my mother, to her body, the alienness that was expanding inside me. Here was Lila celebrated by the neighborhood, she seemed happy. She smiled, elega…

For days Nino continued to behave as if writing better than him was a sin that had to be expiated

Once I was in the hall, I was disoriented at first — what had happened, why had I behaved so recklessly, where had I gotten the absolute conviction that the things I was saying were right and should be said? — and then I remembered that I had had those conversations with Lila, and saw that I had la…